26-year-old girlfriend can't pay rent after spending $800 on a designer purse, freaks out when boyfriend discusses financial responsibility with her: 'She got defensive and said I was controlling and "didn't understand women.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Jul 18, 2025 8:00 PM EDT

Everything we buy should be categorized into "needs" and "wants." The most important monthly expenses are rent/house payment, electricity, water, and food. If you can't afford these things, you're in deep trouble. After that, you need gas in your car so you can get to work and around the house items like soap and toilet paper. Those are all needs, but nearly everything after that is a want. There's nothing wrong with spending some of your hard-earned cash on wants, that is, if you have enough cash to cover it upfront. You don't want to go into debt over a George Foreman grill that you don't need, even if you really, really want it. As an adult, you need to be able to prioritize the most important things. If you choose material objects over paying your rent, I don't know what to tell you. You're already pretty far gone. 

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  • 01

    AITAH for wanting to break up with my girlfriend over her shopping?

    My (28M) girlfriend (26F) of 2 years has what I consider a serious shopping problem. She makes decent money but spends almost everything she earns on clothes, makeup, and home decor.
    via u/Sad_Potato_3717

  • The woman in this story has a real shopping problem. She spends a significant amount of money shopping every month, which wouldn't be so bad if she didn't prioritize it over necessities. She has enough money to pay rent, save, and shop occasionally, but she is not responsible enough to handle it effectively.

  • 02
    Every weekend is another shopping trip where she drops $200-300 minimum. Our apartment is overflowing with stuff she barely uses. She has clothes with tags still on them from months ago.
    via u/Sad_Potato_3717
  • 03
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    via freestocks

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 04
    The breaking point came last week when she couldn't make her half of rent because she'd spent $800 on a designer purse. I had to cover her portion, which meant dipping into my savings.
    via u/Sad_Potato_3717
  • 05
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    via Kateryna Hliznitsova (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 06
    When I tried discussing financial responsibility, she got defensive and said I was "controlling" and "didn't understand women." She promised to pay me back but immediately went shopping again yesterday.
    via u/Sad_Potato_3717
  • 07
    I'm starting to realize we have fundamentally different values around money. I'm saving for our future while she's living paycheck to paycheck despite making good money.
    via u/Sad_Potato_3717
  • 08
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    via Blogging Guide

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 09
    I love her, but I don't see how we can build a life together if she can't control her spending. AITAH for considering ending a relationship over shopping habits?
    via u/Sad_Potato_3717
  • 10
    dd97483 NTA. She is showing you who she is.
    via u/dd97483
  • 11
    Most Researcher_9675 And will continue to. It's an addiction that needs to be dealt with. Don't ask me how I know...
    via u/Most_Researcher_9675
  • 12
    Andreitapeligrosa Exactly... Sometimes people don't change when you talk to them ...they change when they face real consequences... And if someone chooses a designer bag over paying rent, that's already a pretty clear decision...
    via u/Andreitapeligrosa
  • 13
    It s ks, but it's better to see who someone really is before you're signing mortgages or raising kids together... A breakup now is way better than emotional and financial wreckage later....
    via u/Andreitapeligrosa
  • 14
    Mysterious_Book8747 It's a dopamine hit she's chasing instead of intentional shopping. I've just edited a podcast audio about this very subject and it was amazingly eye opening.
    via u/Mysterious_Book8747
  • 15
    No you wouldn't be the a hole but it's worth having a conversation about. "The story in my head is that we won't be able to build a future together because we aren't on the same page when it comes to financial mindsets." Is a fair statement to make.
    via u/Mysterious_Book8747
  • 16
    GlitterinngGlam Exactly this, OP! It's not even about the shopping itself, it's the total lack of financial alignment. If you're trying to build a stable future and she's chasing the next hit of retail therapy, that's not sustainable. You're not crazy for drawing a line.
    via u/GlitterinngGlam
  • 17
    Draigdwi Have a look in r/hoarding and /child of a hoarder. House is full of stuff she never uses and she keeps buying more. This is how it starts. Save yourself and your future kids, break up.
    via u/Draigdwi
  • 18
    Inspirator 1001 This t As someone with compulsive shopping tendencies, I understand the dopamine hit that comes from the transaction of purchasing new things. It is powerful, and an awful cycle. It a won't change unless she's willing to confront the problem and not make excuses for it.
    via u/Inspirator_1001
  • 19
    I must ask you if you truly love her and see a future with her absent this problem, because it CAN be overcome through therapy, hard work and understanding. It won't be easy, and it won't be instantaneous. My concern for you is that you are both young. You'll be strapping in for a long road of battling a disorder from the jump, rather than after many years together and a deeper bond has formed between you that makes going through such hard times worth it. I will be frank... there will be relapse
    via u/Inspirator_1001
  • 20
    If you do decide to work on it with her, NEVER mingle your finances or credit because she won't be able to help herself from abusing both. I'm not defending her, but this IS compulsive behavior that requires professional intervention. Whichever way you go, protecting yourself is tantamount. Good luck to you both.
    via u/Inspirator_1001
  • 21
    sohereiamacrazyalien first ask her to pay you back since she already went shopping. second NTA. it's not controlling to tell someone that their habits are irresponsible or out of control especially a member of the family or gf/bf.
    via u/sohereiamacrazyalien
  • 22
    she doesn't see the problem and you will become her safety net which will put you in a bad situation. also yeah... no not all women are obsessed with shopping especially for stuff they don't need! that's just a lame excuse.
    via u/sohereiamacrazyalien
  • 23
    Material-Indication1 NTA Have an earnest conversation with her about your concerns. "I want you, I love you, is there any way you can work on financially planning for even just your future, let alone ours?" And if she reacts badly,, you have your answer. Good luck.
    via u/Material-Indication1
  • 24
    ginger_gorgon NTA shopping addictions are very much real and can take down not just the addict, but everyone around them. FYI: you're not getting that rent money back.
    via u/ginger_gorgon
  • 25
    WeasersMom14 I had a friend who had this shopping addiction. It ended up ruining her marriage and her relationship with her 2 young sons. Definitely not worth it. Your GF is headed for a world of trouble.
    via u/WeasersMom14

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Dating-Relationships boyfriend spending purse spending money living together purses money problems relationships girlfriend rent paying rent money dating Reddit
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